Dealing with grief is not an easy path in our lives. Here are some suggestions for those who have experienced reproductive loss and for those who love them.
For those who have suffered reproductive loss:
- Take a walk in the sunshine
- Read some helpful books
- Cry freely – it is an emotional release
- Write down all the things you are thankful for
- Take a mini-vacation with your spouse for a change of atmosphere and some rest
- Paint a picture, find a creative outlet
- Allow your friends to help in any way they would like
- Talk with others about your loss – you are not alone
For family and friends of a grieving couple:
- Acknowledge the life. Send a card or flowers to recognize the loss.
- Be there to listen if he or she wants to talk.
- Allow the mother and father time and permission to grieve.
- Ask about the baby, and refer to the baby by name if possible.
- Remember special days – Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, due dates. Christmas and other family times may also be challenging.
- If you become pregnant, know the news will be hard on your friends. Share with your good news privately, so your friends have time to compose themselves. They will be truly happy for you, but it will make them sad for their loss.
- Continue to invite them to baby showers and activities. They are sad, but being left out of life activities just adds loneliness to sadness.
- Give a gift of remembrance. A tree, a flowering shrub, a piece of jewelry or special charm, a figurine.
Things NOT to say to those suffering reproductive loss:
- It was God’s will.
- It was nature’s way. .
- It is for the best. The baby was probably sick anyway.
- At least you weren’t further along.
- At least you didn’t know your baby.
- At least you have other children. Be thankful for the children you have.
- You can always try again.
- After so many miscarriages you should be getting used to it.
- It was not a real baby, just a fetus.
- It won’t happen again.
- Get on with your life. It isn’t the end of the world.
- You probably shouldn’t tell people you are pregnant so early next time.
What should you say?
- I am so sorry.
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